Honor, Courage, Commitment
by llr6473
Summary: Bella and Edward have been more than friends with benefits for the last two years, but they've never gotten around o defining their relationship. When she stumbles upon some surprising information her heart is shattered. She's ready to give up, but life never asks what you've got planned. As she faces the surprise of a lifetime, will he finally let her know how he feels?


**Hi everyone! So, as some of you may notice I've deleted my previous story ****_Be My Anchor._**** I didn't love the way things were going, and I felt like I'd written myself into a corner. Recently, I haven't been able to get this new idea out of my mind. I'm hoping y'all will show this story the same love you showed the other one. Thanks so much for reading - I hope you enjoy it!**

"I'm so excited! Can you believe he'll be home tonight," I asked Alice as I vibrated in my seat.

Edward was coming home on leave from the Navy for the first time in over six months, and I could barely contain my excitement.

"Yes, Bella. I can believe it," Alice sighed in mock frustration. "You've told me at least 100 times today alone."

I can admit that I'd probably mentioned it even more than that, but I was pretty sure Alice didn't mind as much as she let on. She understood most of the time.

"Maybe this time you'll actually tell him you love him," she teased.

Edward and I had been doing this…thing for almost two years now. We texted and talked all day every day and I thought about him constantly, but we'd never actually defined what we were to each other. I knew I loved him with all of my heart, but I had no idea how he really felt about me.

"Leave me alone," I said. "You know it's a difficult situation."

"It's only difficult because you let it be," Alice said. "Tell him. Maybe he'll surprise you."

I didn't reply because we'd had this conversation too many times before. I knew I didn't always handle things with Edward the way I should. I never let him know when he made me feel unimportant or how much he hurt my feelings when he ignored me the first few days after I'd see him, but those things seemed like small dice in the grand scheme of things.

In a perfect world, Edward and I would actually be together, and I wouldn't have to count down the days until I'd see him next. I'd know what I meant to him, and we'd be happy together. In reality, Edward had been in the Navy for almost three years.

We'd met through a mutual friend while he was home on leave a little over two years ago – I was 17, he was 20. We went on a few dates, but when his two weeks were up he went back to Chicago. Initially, it was difficult to keep in touch. We barely knew each other, and he lived so far away from our hometown in Central Florida. About two months went by without hearing from him when he randomly contacted me. We started talking again and picked up right where we left off like nothing had happened.

Fast forward to present day, and we'd been through a lot together. He'd been relocated twice in that span of two years – first to Virginia and then to a ship in San Diego. He'd come home on leave twice, and I'd been to visit him in San Diego once. We might not have expressed out feelings to each other, but I felt like our actions spoke louder than our words.

Alice rolled her eyes at me then returned them to the mirror she was doing her makeup in. She and I had met at the University of Florida the previous year. We immediately hit it off and decided to live together this year. She was Kyle's age, but I'd gotten ahead of the game in high school, so we were both considered seniors.

"How much longer till you'll be ready," I asked her. "We need to leave here in 10."

We were playing Tennessee today, and I wanted to get there early enough to tailgate for a while before the game started.

"Give me two minutes," she called as I headed to the kitchen. I was obviously excited for the game – we lived for Gator football season – but Edward had asked me to pick him up from the airport later that night, and I was really hoping the day would fly by.

* * *

Sure enough, I felt like I'd only blinked and I was already in the car headed for Orlando. We'd won today, and I was finally getting Edward back. I couldn't imagine a better day.

When I spotted him outside of baggage claim I felt my heart speed up. I hadn't been this excited since I saw him three months ago in San Diego. He smiled when he saw me, and headed toward the car. He tossed his duffel bag and backpack in the backseat and moved to the front to give me a hug. He got in, we said our hellos and we were off to Gainesville where he'd be spending the next two weeks with me on and off, only breaking to head home and see his parents.

We filled the two hour drive catching up with each other and talking about what we'd do while he was home. By the time we finally made it I'd never been so excited to get out of a car.

We said hello to Alice and then made a beeline for my bedroom. We hadn't seen each other in three months, and I couldn't wait to be with him.

Edward and I had always had great sex. The first time had been built up with so much talk that by the time he came home I'd nearly jumped him. This time felt different though, slower and more romantic. Afterwards, as I laid with my head on his chest listening to the sound of his heart and soft snoring, I realized I'd never felt happier or more at home.

The next two weeks passed in a similar fashion. Our days were filled with laughter and cuddling, and our nights were spent with hot, passionate sex that left me dazed and satisfied. Occasionally I'd have to leave him to go to class, but he always greeted me with that knee-weakening smile when I returned. I knew without a doubt I loved him with my whole heart, and I was excited to see what the future had in store for us.

* * *

"I can't believe tomorrow is my last day already," Edward sighed as he walked up behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder. He linked his hands together around my waist, kissed me on the cheek and we locked eyes in the mirror. I'd just gotten out of bed after the most amazing sexual experience of my life, and I was having a difficult time coming to terms with that fact that he'd soon be gone again.

"Neither can I," I whispered.

He had to know how I felt about him. Why couldn't he just read my mind?! I knew at this point that I'd never get up the nerve to tell him I loved him first. There were too many doubts in my mind about what his reply would be. If he loved me, I'd be on cloud 9. If he didn't, I wasn't sure what I'd do.

"I should probably hurry up and shower," he said smiling. He slapped my ass then proceeded to strip and turn on the water. The wonky eyebrows he gave me let me know he was definitely up for round two, but I just giggled and headed back to the bedroom to wait for him.

"It can't be healthy always having so much on your mind," Alice said as she strolled into my room. She could always read me like a book. "Just tell that boy you love him! I'm sick of watching you dance around it and then be in agony when you realize you've missed your chance again."

"Shhhhh," I whisper yelled at her. The last thing I needed was him hearing this through the bathroom door. "I just can't tell him. I don't know what he'll say."

"You'll never know if you don't try," she sing-songed as she left.

I rolled my eyes after her. I knew she was right, but I'd decided to live in denial. If we never spoke about it he couldn't break my heart. Obviously, I needed to come up with something better to help me sleep at night…

* * *

Edward finally joined me back in bed about 30 minutes later. That boy took the longest showers of anyone I knew.

We cuddled up together, and he was immediately fixated with beating the level of Candy Crush Saga I was currently stuck on on my cellphone.

"Will I ever get my phone back, Edward," I asked.

"After I beat this level," he winked.

"So never then?"

He stuck his tongue out at me and poked my side knowing full well how ticklish I was.

"Fine," I said. "I'll play a game on your phone then."

"Go for it," he said, absentmindedly.

I grabbed his phone and entered the passcode ready to master some Robot Unicorn Attack 2 when I froze. There, in front of my eyes, were two apps I'd never seen before. Plenty of Fish and MeetMe? I wasn't an expert, but I'd seen commercials on TV. Weren't those dating websites? Why would Edward have dating website apps?

A million thoughts raced through my mind, and I wasn't sure what to think. I dropped his phone like it'd burned me and turned my attention toward the TV instead. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to bring any attention to what I'd seen. I felt embarrassed and tricked, and I wanted to be alone. Here I'd thought he might love me like I loved him, and he was looking for someone else online.

Next thing I knew Edward was shaking me awake and telling me we needed to hit the trail if I was going to drop him off at his parents' house before it got too late. I tried not to make our last few hours together awkward, and eventually what I'd seen was buried deep in my thoughts.

I returned home that night and cried – for the boy I loved, for the probably loss of that same boy and for my poor heart.

**So, let me know what you think so far! I can't promise any great time frame on updates because of my sucky class schedule and huge work load, but i fully intend on taking this story to the end. I have a lot of passion for this project, and I'm interesting in hearing what you guys have to say. Opinions, Predictions - throw them my way. Thanks for reading! - Lauren**


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